Vacuuming the car

What chore can be more laborious then that of painstakingly lugging the vacuum cleaner out to the car? The thought of what might be lurking beneath the seats can be somewhat disturbing. When you have a six-year old there are no boundaries as to what mutant form of decaying food can be found stuck between the seats, smeared secretively into the upholstery because napkins just weren’t available, or spilled with no word to anyone, because eventually it will just disappear…aren’t kids cute…. we all know it just doesn’t disappear…it lingers on and on in the carpet of the back seat…slowly emitting a putrid stench that will eventually become a rancid odor that of which the original origins will be indistinguishable to the human smell.

This is why I am implementing a no food or drink policy in my car. Yes, I have leather seats that can be wiped clean…but, for the life of me, I don’t understand why none of the food ever stays on them. It always seems to manage its way into the nooks and crannies of the cloth on the sides of the seats or….and even better….the rear carpet….no, not the middle row which would be easy to clean…somehow, it manages to make its way to the third row…I am only guessing, but I think this must be done deliberately…maybe my daughter thinks she can grow and harvest her own food in the mini garden she is cultivating in the far off land of the rear of our SUV….I am not clear on her thought process yet…since spring has just arrived, I think she must be sowing her first crop of food…Today, her dreams of becoming a greenhouse farmer will be no more…

I have single handedly removed every trace of food known to mankind…I really think some of it might have been alive…gross, gross, and grosser…with a fresher look…and smell…my daughter’s hothouse on wheels is no longer…Mommy has taken control of the car….read the sign carefully before entering…No food or drink permitted….no way, no how….except maybe for me.