Just Another Relaxing Day

Just Another Relaxing Day

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Target $100

Target….A store I love, but secretively loathe at the same time. I can pretty much go into any store without spending more than I planned to when I went in. However, there is just something about Target that screams… Benjamin…for those of you not in the know that would be $100..…it doesn’t matter how well I budget before I go in the store or how many times I swear that I am not spending more than exactly what I planned…the register always rings up the $100 tab.

Now, I have thought of ways to defeat what I like to call the “Target 100”…I could simply leave my purse in the car and only take what I am going to spend…in cash of course…but, what would happen if I passed up the sale of the century or something that was just too good to be true? What if I just couldn’t wait till next time to purchase that CD that I really needed, those socks in five different colors that are just going to sit in my dresser drawer or the array of bizarre snacks that can be found nowhere but here…The pressure to purchase would cause me to walk back out to my car for my purse.

Since Christmas…when I put myself on a strict budget…I have been a much better consumer at Target…I now pick things up and carry them around with me…no more shopping cart for me…when my arms get too full, I know it’s time to put things down. I have saved a lot of money using this nifty little trick…Target, your gigantic cart that can fit five children in it no longer has a grip on me…I have freed myself from the insanity of buying stuff that I know I will never use…just because it looks good in the store doesn’t mean that you will actually have a use for it at home…I learned this from eating food samples at Sam’s Club and BJ’s….yes, anything tastes good when you are hungry and it is free…that’s how they lure you into buying it….then, when you get home…what the hell are you going to do with ten pounds of pulled pork or five pounds of dip?…..nothing…that’s what you’re going to do with it…absolutely nothing. For this reason, I no longer shop at those mega warehouse stores. To be free from the Target $100 is such a liberating moment. J

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Foot Cheese, Please..

I was in Bed, Bath and Beyond this weekend with a friend. One of the highlights of the store is the “As Seen on TV” section. Imagine every strange gadget you have ever seen on a late night TV commercial….they are all here for your buying pleasure. The Ped Egg called out to me from the thousand or so that were strategically placed at the entrance door…I certainly couldn’t miss these guys, now could i?…A Ped Egg…sounds strange…what the hell does the thing do?…at first glance, it looks like a mini cheese grater that you can hold in the palm of your hand…I am sure someone will use it for this, however, that is not how it was intended to be used.

My Ped Egg is designed for me to “shave”…yes, I said shave…the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. Doesn’t really sound that appealing at first, but when I think about what my feet look like…and the fact that flip flop season is almost upon us…I decide to splurge on my little foot luxury…lucky for me my friend has a 20% off coupon. Friends are so great. I contemplate buying the extra blades…my feet can be really nasty when they are inside my boots all day…No, one will do for now…no need to over indulge myself.

My Ped Egg ends up sitting in my car for the next few days. For some reason, I forgot I even made the purchase. It wasn’t until this morning that I remembered my little egg. After carefully reading the instructions…SHARP BLADES, BEWARE…now, wouldn’t common sense tell you that something that is going to scrape the nasty, thick, dead skin off the bottom of someone’s feet would indeed have to be pretty sharp…directions for idiots….I put my little egg together and begin to go to work….I rub it back and forth on both my feet several times…Okay…now it gets disgusting.

As I am rubbing the egg on my feet, I happen to tilt the thing a little to the side…as it begins to snow all over my legs, I realize that these “cheese” like shavings are the dead skin that has been removed from my feet. Okay, Egg…your doing your job. I continue on for another few minutes until my feet are nice and smooth. As I open the egg to see the mysteries of the inside, all that is revealed is about three inches of what looks like shredded cheese…this might make you think twice about where your cheese comes from….I empty the contents into the trash and realize that perhaps this is where the term “foot cheese” actually came from.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

And You Thought You Were in Debt...Guess Again

Could you imagine owing a bill of $530,000? How would you even begin to pay that off? And no…. it’s not your mortgage. It is the money that a Michigan man has failed to provide for his 14 children that he fathered with 13 different women. OMG…. I guess this man has never heard of a little thing called protection or the myriad of horrible things that could befall him by essentially playing Russian Roulette thirteen times. Think of all the things that you hear about on the news. How could anyone be this stupid?

According to The Michigan Flint Journal, Thomas Frazier, who is only 42, has not made a single child support payment in six years. For God sakes, the man doesn’t even have a job. I guess he figured fathering one child per year since he turned eighteen was more than enough contribution to society…now, he could have fathered all these children during a series of lurid affairs over a few days time, but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt…considering his track record that’s probably an unsafe assumption, but, what the hell.

Now, Mr. Frazier would like to argue that it was impossible for him to pay his total monthly child support obligation of $3000 for all fourteen of his children. Let’s break this down and see what that amounts to per child…. that would be about $214 per child per month or roughly $50 per week per child…. What the hell are you supposed to buy a child on $50 a week?…this is supposed to provide for food, clothing and shelter. Mr. Frazier….I say shame on you!!!…. You owe these women a whole lot more than a lousy $50 per week. You owe each of these children the right to a father who they have probably never seen, since you claim that only three of them are your biological child…I say…Jerry Springer can prove whether or not you are the father or maybe Montel or Maury…let the world know that you have been convicted unfairly…. something tells me that you will not pursue any DNA tests as the results will most certainly be held against you.

According to the newspaper, Mr. Frazier has 90 days to pay $27,900 in arrears payments. I am not sure how they came up with that amount, but I am sure Mr. Frazier has no intentions of paying one single penny. As of today, Mr. Frazier remains in jail unable to pay. I wonder how many license plates he will have to make to pay off his debt.

Through the Looking Glass at Home Depot

Home Depot. I could loose myself for hours in this store. Isle after isle offers limitless possibilities for the imagination. My friend and I just came back from spending two hours of what I like to call…yeah, right…not in this lifetime…now don’t lie, you know you play this game also…anyone who says different has probably never been to Home Depot…. Our trip begins in the mirror section of the store as we step through the looking glass into a world beyond our imagination. We look at the kitchen displays with gorgeous cherry wood cabinets and granite counter tops wondering who the hell can afford kitchens that cost thirteen thousand dollars? But for now, who cares…I’ll take the one with the ten foot kitchen island, please.

We continue up one isle and down the next letting our fantasy world get the best of us…we begin selecting doors for our country cottage…ceiling fans for our beach home…sliding glass doors that lead onto the deck of our Italian villa…we envision ourselves sitting on the veranda which overlooks our ten car garage…which is also in need of all new garage doors…what a life we could have.

Next stop… the appliances…new washer and dryer…a mere two thousand dollars…latest refrigerator with all the gadgets… that will set us back about three thousand…Stove which cooks are meals for us...not sure this model is on display…I bet it’s in the back for the VIP customers like us. I am sure someone will be around shortly to escort us to this private viewing lounge.

In the meantime, we need to make one last stop on our trip in this world that exists only in our minds…the garden center to select the perfect deck furniture…of course; it wouldn’t be complete without the fifteen hundred dollar Weber Grill…. What the frig!!! How many of these things does this store really sell…I want to meet the person who spends fifteen hundred dollars on a barbecue grill…Lawn Mower, did someone say Lawn Mower…of course they have them…it’s almost like walking onto a car lot…they have the basic model all the way up to the super deluxe lawnmower which costs almost five grand…once again…please, please introduce me to the man who is going to pay five grand for a lawn mower….

Reality hits us on the way out as one of the sales associates begins to give my friend the all too customary pick up line…hey, I saw you in here a few hours ago…you must be waiting for me to get off work…I am thinking…buddy, it ain’t happening…like our fantasy world motto inside the store…not in this lifetime…but, no sooner do we pay, then he is waiting outside for her. No, not in his Benz or Beamer…but, next to his shopping cart…not sure what that is all about…but a shopping cart is not a way to make a big first impression…he yells at her as we continue to our car…”next time, honey, I will give you my number.” What a sobering wake up call to the ultra rich life we had just stepped out of….only if it was on the other side of the looking glass.