Foot Cheese, Please..

I was in Bed, Bath and Beyond this weekend with a friend. One of the highlights of the store is the “As Seen on TV” section. Imagine every strange gadget you have ever seen on a late night TV commercial….they are all here for your buying pleasure. The Ped Egg called out to me from the thousand or so that were strategically placed at the entrance door…I certainly couldn’t miss these guys, now could i?…A Ped Egg…sounds strange…what the hell does the thing do?…at first glance, it looks like a mini cheese grater that you can hold in the palm of your hand…I am sure someone will use it for this, however, that is not how it was intended to be used.

My Ped Egg is designed for me to “shave”…yes, I said shave…the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. Doesn’t really sound that appealing at first, but when I think about what my feet look like…and the fact that flip flop season is almost upon us…I decide to splurge on my little foot luxury…lucky for me my friend has a 20% off coupon. Friends are so great. I contemplate buying the extra blades…my feet can be really nasty when they are inside my boots all day…No, one will do for now…no need to over indulge myself.

My Ped Egg ends up sitting in my car for the next few days. For some reason, I forgot I even made the purchase. It wasn’t until this morning that I remembered my little egg. After carefully reading the instructions…SHARP BLADES, BEWARE…now, wouldn’t common sense tell you that something that is going to scrape the nasty, thick, dead skin off the bottom of someone’s feet would indeed have to be pretty sharp…directions for idiots….I put my little egg together and begin to go to work….I rub it back and forth on both my feet several times…Okay…now it gets disgusting.

As I am rubbing the egg on my feet, I happen to tilt the thing a little to the side…as it begins to snow all over my legs, I realize that these “cheese” like shavings are the dead skin that has been removed from my feet. Okay, Egg…your doing your job. I continue on for another few minutes until my feet are nice and smooth. As I open the egg to see the mysteries of the inside, all that is revealed is about three inches of what looks like shredded cheese…this might make you think twice about where your cheese comes from….I empty the contents into the trash and realize that perhaps this is where the term “foot cheese” actually came from.